How I Took My Spouse For Granted

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Zach + I have a little bit of a different story than most couples starting out. From the time we started dating we were always together. Within 6 months of our relationship we moved to Arkansas + 2 months after that we moved to London for 3 months. We moved back to Arkansas at the one year mark in our relationship. Then our life turned upside down when Zach had brain surgery + wasn’t able to work. When I say we were together 24/7, I literally mean 24/7.  And while that sounds nice being with the person you love ALL the time, it does have its downfalls. I am forever grateful that we’ve always been together, but these are two ways it hurt us.

 

#1 It gave us a false sense that we knew everything about each other.

Which is so far from the truth. We are constantly changing + evolving as a person + as a couple. If we don’t take the time to study our spouse we will miss so much. We can start to compare them to the old- which in a sense is holding them back in life. It’s okay to like the old person, but we need to embrace, love, + support the new one + grow our relationship in the process. Just some examples of how Zach has changed:

-He drinks black coffee now, when it use to be like “do you want some coffee with that sugar?”

-He eats + loves all fruit + veggies. If you ask his parents they’ll tell you he lived off chicken nuggets, skittles, + sopapillas. Funny story; the very first meal I cooked Zach was a turkey burger stuffed with spinach + feta and our bun was a portabella mushroom. And y’all HE never said a word about not liking the food. He ate EVERY single bite! He didn’t tell me till months later that he only ate that food because he liked me :P And now he actually enjoys vegetables HAHA

-He use to be obsessed with sports. To the point he even had an app that was dedicated to just sports rumors. It talked about who was maybe going to trade who ETC.  Recently he went through a pretty drastic season in life + with the help of God + others he removed idols from his life. Come to find out sports had become an idol to Zach. Not saying sports are bad + an idol for everyone, because they aren’t. But for Zach it was. (An idol is something you put before God, we all can have them + they’re normally all different for everyone.) Don’t get me wrong, Zach still loves LSU and all things baseball, but it has drastically changed. He put God first in his life + sports naturally took the back seat. He even told me the other day he hasn’t checked baseball in two weeks, I had to ask him to repeat himself because that is so not Zach. His passions, wants, + dreams have changed throughout the years as well. Luckily, I love all the changes that have been going on with him, but what if I didn’t? If I hold onto the old Zach I’m also holding onto the baggage + keeping him trapped in the past. I’m holding him back from moving forward with God’s purpose + calling for his life. That’s why it is so important to spend time with your spouse, really connect with them, and listen to their heart with an open mind + heart.

#2 I took our marriage for granted.

Since I shared just how much time together we got you might be able to understand why I took it for granted. Once we got married + had kids we were still always together. So why would we need to take extra time to stop + connect? If we know what we are doing 24/7 what is there to connect on? We know everything going on – WRONG. It is even more vital for us to stop + connect. Because always being together gives us a false sense of knowing everything. Yes we may know the facts, but we don’t know what is going on internally + how we feel about certain situations. Zach is always getting onto me because apparently I’m an “assumer”. When many of our arguments happen, Zach usually points out that I assumed one thing or another. Once we stop the cycle of life + get on the same wavelength we argue less. Connecting looks different for everyone, but for us it is super hard to fully connect while our kids are awake. They are in constant need of our attention + talk non-stop. No matter how tired we are, once we get the crazies to sleep, we sneak out of bed + go to the living room to hang out. Even if it’s only for 15 minutes it gives us a chance to connect. It’s not perfect every night. Sometimes our “to-do” list in our head has a louder voice distracting us, but we try to let our hearts connect to have a healthy marriage. Once you + your spouse truly open up about the thoughts racing through your mind, what God has been laying on your heart, or sins you’ve been trying to conquer; that’s when you’re truly “one” as God designed it. If we miss this opportunity, we miss so much more than just extra hang out time. Don’t miss this precious time connecting with your spouse. Learn from my past mistakes, because it took a good 3 years into our marriage for us to finally “get it”. With two young kids, a business, + trying to figure out this thing called life we were being stretched thin. It would have taken way less energy + way easier to skip this step. But trust me if you make it a habit you will put your spouse + relationship in a box that isn’t growing. That is what God created y’all for. He created your marriage to move mountains together.

So start connecting. It’s not too late.

XO Colleen Cashio

 

Wedding Photographer - http://cassiejonesphotography.net

Rope of Hope

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Have you ever felt like you're doing your best to live for God, but you still keep falling short? Instead of making every life decision for myself, I do my best to give the reigns up to God + let Him be in full control. Sometimes though I don't get the answers when + how I need them and my rope of hope unravels. I feel like I'm at a magic show where the magician has the plates spinning on the sticks. He runs back and forth spinning each plate to keep them balanced so it doesn't crash + burn.

That's how my life feels right now. I am that magician running hopelessly back and forth spinning every plate waiting on God to show up + show out. Some plates come and go fast. He answers them in a timely manner. Sometimes He leaves a plate going round + round for what seems like a lifetime. I get so tired + frustrated calling out to Him to rescue me from exhaustion that comes with spinning the plate.

I go to Him with...

WHY haven't you fixed this?

WHY isn't this working out?

WHAT am I doing wrong?

WHY does it feel like you're punishing me?

WHAT did I do?

 

And then these thoughts pour into my mind..

Add the word (MAYBE) before each sentence…

-God didn't plan for me to run back + forth twisting each stick.

-He expected me to bring Him my situation.. leave it at the cross + walk away. 

-He expects me not to pick it back up.

-He is waiting till my plate crashes to come into the situation to put the pieces back together. 

-That’s the only way I can see the magnitude of His glory.

-I don't see the extent of work He's been doing behind the scenes.

-I don't see the hearts He's changing in the process

-I don't see Him growing another person in faith while I'm on hold.

-I don't trust.

-I get tunnel vision.

-This big situation to me is a small piece to the puzzle I haven't finished yet.

-I'm not prepared for the next step. 

-I need to seek Him more + harder than ever before

-How something should work out, won't work out.

-I stepped ahead. I went on my own path + not God’s.

-I walked out of the shield of His protection + have to face the consequences.

-This will happen. Or it won't.

MAYBE... all I need to do is sit down, shut up, + wait. [with a joyful heart]

 

You might hit a dead end. Your path may be very curvy + rugged. BUT...

Your story is beautiful. It may be broken or unwritten.

But God wants you to be beautifully broken so He can restore you with knowledge.

 

Instead of dwelling on the things that are going wrong, it helps to write down or think of all the things that are going right in your life. Family, health, opportunities, friends, fresh air…the list goes on.

 

 

Insert“Your Name”before each story on the sentences below

Colleen’s story will impact people.

Colleen’s story will have a beautiful ending no matter what you have or are going through

Colleen’s story will matter in the long run

 

Don't hide your brokenness or weakness. Expose them to God’s light. Let Him shine on you. Bask in His presence. Let Him heal you. Let Him use you for His glory.

 

Sometimes on our darkest days we feel His presence the most.

Sometimes on our brightest days His presence seems afar. 

 

Until that day comes, hold on + trust.

 

This was an excerpt from my Jesus Calling devotional that I read after I wrote this + I wanted to share! If you don't have a copy of this book I HIGHLY recommend it! I wrote this post lying in bed unable to sleep January 10th... Then when I woke this was my reading for January 11...I felt like God wrote this exact passage for me. This is my favorite devotional book I have ever owned!

XO Colleen Cashio

""January 11--

TRUST ME by relinquishing control into My hands. Let go, and recognize that I am God. This is My world: I made it and control it. Yours is a responsive part in the litany of Love. I search among My children for receptivity to Me. Guard well this gift that I have planted in your heart. Nurture it with the Light of My Presence.

When you bring Me prayer requests, lay out your concerns before Me. Speak to Me candidly; pour out your heart. Then thank Me for the answers that I have set into motion long before you can discern results. When your requests come to mind again, continue to thank Me for the answers that are on the way. If you keep on stating your concerns to Me, you will live in a state of tension. When you thank Me for how I am answering your prayers, your mind-set becomes much more positive. Thankful prayers keep your focus on My Presence and My promises.""

Hello, World!

 

"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog-it's here a little while, then it's gone." James 4:14

"Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart." Colossians 4:2

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“God will not pour fresh, creative ideas and blessings into old attitudes.”
— Joel Osteen